Life goes easy on me most of the time..

Friday, Sept. 02, 2005 ~ 4:20 p.m.

I am just too drained emotionally and physically to even write a whole new entry, with what's been going on the last couple of days.

a) I got a loan to go on my trip which is in five days, but I was depressed this morning, as a result of this:

(Copy and pasted from something I wrote on one of the message boards that I have been using. My cat, Toby, is sick.)

"We took Tubbi to the vet last night and the prognosis was.. inconclusive. No temperature, no problems with kidneys, etc, Gordon immediately suspected Feline Leukemia. Gordon has been so good to me since I started getting my own animals and paying my own bills. We showed up ten minutes after the evening clinic that he runs from the basement of his home closed, and stayed for forty minutes. He didn't even charge me for the time, only for the leukemia test and for the Vitamin B that they sent home with me.

It was a ten minute test. At ten minutes, it showed negative, at fifteen, it showed positive. I don't know how that sort of thing works, if it's like cookies or not -- if you leave it too long, the proper result doesn't come back? Anyways, he said that the test is not 100% anyways. He figured Toby probably contracted it, if that is in fact what it is (I'm not so sure, personally), at birth from his mother as he was a barn cat originally. He's been in our home for about eight months with the other family cats.

Here's the thing -- I ask for no bashing for what we decided to do. If you don't agree, please keep it to yourself, I know that bringing him home was risky as it's contagious, but I was just heartbroken, I could not hold back the tears in the vet's office at the thought of going home without him, especially when he was pushing against my hands to be petted, and actually displaying strength as opposed to the weakness that he'd been experiencing the last few days.

Anyhow, Gordon wanted to put him down immediately, but I felt that Toby has been taking an upward swing over the last couple of days (more interest in food, a little more aggressive, stronger and more interested in affection than he was the last couple of days). I just couldn't deal with it right then with my trip to England coming up in four days and having just had to send Niko away a few weeks ago, so we decided to bring him home, give him a week and see what happens. He'll get Vitamin B supplements and canned food to help rehydrate him. If he doesn't improve, Gordon told me to bring him back in when I felt it was time and they'd "look after me".

I just want to say that I have the most wonderful vet. He does both our horses and my small animals and I feel well taken care of. They've known me since I was just a baby, and he's been so kind and considerate of me and my situations, I could not ask for more. When Angel foaled the breach birth last year and the foal was dead, he was there for near two hours and charged me only for materials and about 15 minutes of time. Last night, he only charged me for materials. His compassion to the situation shows me that he doesn't care so much about the money but about the animals and the people. I am truly grateful for him. "

It's kinda cheesy to ask for prayers for a cat, but.. if you're of the sort, I would appreciate it. I love my little boy and I am just heartbroken over this entire thing.